Too bad I can’t find a source for this one, since it was written by a woman:
To those asking about how my husband demands respect this is a message I sent to another redditor and perhaps will help:
OK, now to answer your question on how does he not allow me to disrespect him. Overall, I would say that he is calm and firm. Let me give you some examples:
1.) He doesn’t tell me what I want to hear, he tells me what he is thinking. This can be tricky because you don’t want to come right out and tell your wife or girlfriend she is fat, for example. But, at the same time, you shouldn’t be afraid of being honest. An example of this with my husband would be this:
I’m sitting on the couch and I have just devoured a box of cookies. Although I am not fat, I say to him in a whiny girly voice that is filled with regret from having just eaten an entire box of cookies in one sitting, “I’m so fat.” He says “You’re definitely going to be if you keep sitting round eating cookies like that all day.”
Okay, this may not seem like a big deal, but how many women do you know who would be offended by his blunt honesty? And further, how many women do you know who would punish their husband or boyfriend for saying something like that? They might withhold sex, or shut down emotionally, or do something passive-aggressive. I know, because I have done things like that!
Now, what I respect about this scenario is that my husband isn’t afraid to be honest with me. He’s not even afraid of hurting my feelings if we’re having a conversation in which I’ve provoked him to be honest. While I may not necessarily like what he is saying, I like that he was man enough to say it, and he can say it without being malicious.
2.) He doesn’t do what I want to appease me. In my past relationships, my boyfriends always did what I wanted, when I wanted. If I wanted to do something even if I knew they didn’t want to, I knew that they would do it anyway. I knew this because they taught me to treat them that way. It’s healthy to say no and not allow one person in the relationship to get what they want all the time.
Let me give you another example of this with my husband:
It’s the weekend and I like to get out of the house. I stay home all week with our baby and I go a little stir-crazy. He works a high-stress job all week and is worn out. So, we are already at odds here. I will say to him, “let’s go downtown and have coffee and walk around.” Now, if he doesn’t want to do this (or whatever I have suggested) he says no. He doesn’t care if I don’t like the answer, he doesn’t care if it means a lot to me, he says no.
In the beginning of our relationship, this used to fucking piss me off. I would argue things like, “I stay home and want to get out of the house” or “it’s give and take in a relationship and you’re being selfish by not doing this with me”. For a long time, I believed I was right. Then I realized over time that I was the one who was being selfish. I was the one who was putting this extra responsibility on him to make me feel better.
This is tricky because a relationship is give and take. There are times that I fully expect him to do something with me even though I know he’d rather not, and I do the same for him. Sometimes I have to remind him of that. Sometimes he surprises me by suggesting we do something that I know he doesn’t want to but he does it because he knows I want to. What is important to remember though, is that he stands firm and stays true to himself. He doesn’t let me bully or manipulate him. He doesn’t always tell me no, but if he does, he means it and I respect that.
3.) He doesn’t react unless he needs to put me in my place. This may sound harsh, but it’s true. If I am throwing a fit and saying shitty things to him, he will either walk away and ignore me, or he will say just enough to defend himself that makes me shut up.
Now, just recently I made a remark to him when we were fighting about him being lazy. I knew as soon as the words came out of my mouth that I had fucked up. I know he’s not lazy. He knows he’s not lazy. He knows that I know that he’s not lazy. But was he about to let me talk to him like that and get away with it? Fuck. No. He looked me dead in the eye and in a very stern, deep voice he asked in a confrontational tone, “You think I’m lazy?” Again, “DO YOU THINK I’M LAZY?”
He never broke eye contact, he never yelled. But he nipped it in the bud. I have a nervous laughter and so I started giggling and then apologized. He didn’t laugh and didn’t engage anymore in the conversation with me.
This is tricky because not all women will respond the way I did. He has taught me to respect him by being calm, firm, and authoritative when he speaks to me. He also picks his battles. Like I said, he will sometimes just say no and ignore the rest of my banter. However, if I cross the line and am disrespectful, he knows how to firmly and effectively handle the situation.
Of all the ways he has taught me to respect him, I think these three things stick out the most. I hope this has helped!