I was sat at 6:30 last night. I just got through with a busy day of gym sessions, car repairs and enjoying my free weekend.
At the moment, I’m down to one plate who is flaky at best. So I decided to give this tinder business a whirl. I’ve never really paid it much attention before. I followed a YouTube guide when I set it up ages ago and forgot about it. I simply put up a single picture of me. Quite frankly, I was posing! But there you go.
So I started swiping right and messaging while waiting for my dinner to cook! I was direct, I simply said words to the effect of “I don’t care about you, don’t want to get to know you, just want fun, games and sex for one night only!” Copy and paste that and that was it.
I have to admit, it was a joke on my part. I had no real belief that it would “work” or any belief that I would be doing anything other later that night than trying to decide on whether or not to stay in watch a movie, or to go out and hit the town.
A few moments later, I was busy on other things and noticed a whole bunch of tinder replies. Some of them were along the lines of “creep” or “pervert”… whatever. But, a fair few of them were “I’m game, where r u”. In fact, of the messages I sent, I’d say over half were positive replies.
It can’t be that easy! So, I picked three hot looking ones and messaged back. I applied the usual investigative procedures, as in photos not taken too close to avoid fatties, profiles that actually had some information to prove the person was real, etc. I figured all would flake if they even would agree to meet at all. But I kept it up anyhow.
Long story short, one girl got way too wordy so stopped replying. Too many messages about her life story, not interested. Usually I’d text game, but I felt deviating from the original mission would show weakness. Eventually after ignoring various messages, she just said, “So, where you wanna meet?” Stay on mission, boys!
In the end all three agreed to meet. I set up 8pm meets with them in different pubs. The true epitome of window shopping. Now, bear in mind, I’m still of the impression that none of this would work and it was just a game on my part.
So, pub 1. I went past the window and was almost blown away to see my tinder date had arrived early! Sadly she looked a helluva lot older than her photo and a lot larger. Eh, I’m not that desperate enough to go in and try and impress someone who looked like a moping mess. I simply messaged her and said, “Not going to make it”. I think her replies were along the lines of “Fuck you” but there were more words than that which I didn’t read.
Pub 2, no date. I guessed she flaked.
Pub 3, date present and correct. And she looked more or less like her photo. Not bad. She looked up for it so why not. I was about to go in and make my intro when date 2 messaged telling me she would be late but she’d “make it up to me.”
Back to pub 2 it is. I arrived just to see her getting out of her car and she’s stonking. What a dilemma. Two dates, both actually pretty good looking and both pretty much assured that they were coming for no strings fucking.
Fuck me lads, this shit works.
I went with date 2. Simply, she looked like she made more of an effort and not as bike-ish as date 3. Date 2 was also the date that got wordy and I ignored after a while. So I went in and met her.
After the initial nervousness, claims that she’d “never done this sort of thing before” and she “can’t believe she’s really here with a total strnager” which seemed to be actually believable given the nervousness and looked like she was close to bailing, but I chatted her up and had a laugh with her. Did the whole changing location thing, random fun bits around town (my hallmark). Just after midnight, we were at her place getting to know her pussy. Oh and then her pussy!
I think I picked a winner. She was quite conservative looking, didn’t appear to be an outright slut. Put it another way, she came across as the kind of girl that you would happily introduce to your Mother. Sex-wise, again after the initial nervousness she was up for why we were there for sure. As usual, did the ol’ check out my phone photos ooh lets take a selfie security shots. A bit of fun mixed with safety. No buttsex, but she seemed game for escalating. The more adventurous I got, so did she. A pretty good fucky time all round. I guess the assurance it was no strings helped that one out.
So, lessons learned.
- I’m absolutely floored that this even worked.
- I think I spent the grand total of £3 on a beer for myself and I guess £1 or so on mobile data. A lot cheaper than most club entry costs.
- The girls on tinder are basically looking to get fucked. And most will make themselves available at the drop of a hat. My one had previously arranged to go out with friends, but viewed me as a better offer.
- If you try this, I would say your game needs to be expert level. The true definition of not giving a shit. You will need to play with her verbally, be absolutely sure not to have a single awkward moment and be sure not to be the clown. Easy going, a mixture of reserved closed book and fun.
- I’m as shocked as you are! I wouldn’t describe myself as super hot, but I work out and have everything in the right place.
- If you come across genuine and not creepy, she’ll make you breakfast in the morning too!
So all in all… tinder, fuck yeah! Will hit this shit again!